I watched:

Several review/recaps of the latest ep of LANTERNS.
Wow, this show is sooo bad!

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds is the DUMBEST of the DUMB!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOBvHmFmniw
Just before going live for Afternoon T on Sunday, the new Major Grin
video dropped showing how utterly stupid, cliched and contrived Strange
New Worlds had become. So Az had to break it down.
Holy crap! Who knew SG1 wojuld be prohetic?

Strange New Worlds Is Doing A SOAP OPERA Episode And It Might Be Worse
Than The PUPPETS!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEsbfjIFlhU

The Black Hole That Kills Galaxies - Quasars https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4Z8EdiJxgk

What did you watch?

--
Democrats and the liberal media hate President Trump more than they
love this country.


--- PyGate Linux v1.5.19
* Origin: Dragon's Lair, PyGate NNTP<>Fido Gate (3:633/10)

Ubiquitous wrote in article <UBI20260901@dont-email.me>:

Strange New Worlds Is Doing A SOAP OPERA Episode And It Might Be Worse
Than The PUPPETS!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEsbfjIFlhU

It sounds like ST:SNW is following the path of Community. It did
a couple of concept episodes and got positive reactions, so when
they ran out of regular ideas, they just started throwing
concepts at the wall.

--
The meek shall inherit, we're told,
But I'm not so easily sold.
For supposing they should,
It would do them no good --
They'd lose it at once to the bold.

--- PyGate Linux v1.5.19
* Origin: Dragon's Lair, PyGate NNTP<>Fido Gate (3:633/10)

On 9/2/2026 7:03 AM, The True Melissa wrote:

Ubiquitous wrote in article <UBI20260901@dont-email.me>:

Strange New Worlds Is Doing A SOAP OPERA Episode And It Might Be Worse
Than The PUPPETS!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEsbfjIFlhU

It sounds like ST:SNW is following the path of Community. It did
a couple of concept episodes and got positive reactions, so when
they ran out of regular ideas, they just started throwing
concepts at the wall.

This is a multiday catch up. Over the last few days I watched:

Coyote vs. Acme (theatrical) New live action / animated hybrid movie.
This movie was infamously shelved by Warner Brothers until backlash from
fans got them to sell the film to an independent studio for a theatrical release. The plot has Wile E. Coyote getting a lawyer (Will Forte) to
sue the Acme Corporation due to all the Acme products consistently
failing over the years he's been trying to catch the Road Runner. This
is a very simplistic overview of the plot. The actual movie is quite a
bit deeper than that IMO. It's billed as a comedy, but it has a ton of
heart. In tone the movie is far closer to "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"
than the earlier Warner live action / animated movies like "Space Jam."
The movie is a bit of a love letter to fans of Looney Tunes.


Battlestar Galactica (4K Disc) 1978 theatrical version of the TV series
pilot. In this pilot movie, aliens known as Cylons launch a sneak
attack during a peace conference wiping out the 12 colonies of humanity.
The last Battlestar, commanded by Commander Adama (Lorne Greene),
assembles what's left of humanity in search of a mythical planet called
Dirt, I mean Earth. I know I've seen the pilot and first few episodes
before, but I think this is the first time I've ever seen the theatrical
edit of it. The main difference seems to be in the TV version Baltar is spared and sent to hunt humanity while in the theatrical edit he's
executed by the Cylons. I've been looking forward to watching this for
a while now. I guess it held up well enough.


Battlestar Galactica: Blood & Chrome (blu-ray) 2012 prequel movie set
before the events of the 2004 series. The movie focuses on a young
Adama who is sent behind enemy lines. I think this was probably my
first time watching it since the original release. I guess it was OK.


Battlestar Galactica (blu-ray) The original 2004 miniseries that
launched the new series. In this reimaged version of the series, Cylons
were created by humans and after 40 years of peace the Cylons, that now
look human, decide to launch a sneak attack on the 12 human colonies.
It's up to Battlestar Galactica under the command of Adama (Edward James Olmos) to save the day. The mini series ends with, "By your command." ?


Battlestar Galactica (blu-ray) Select episodes from season 1. The
series held up great. It was interesting revisiting the series after so
many years. I'm not sure what to make of the human form cylons and
so-called philosophy. But in terns of gritty action and space battles
the show delivered.


--- PyGate Linux v1.5.19
* Origin: Dragon's Lair, PyGate NNTP<>Fido Gate (3:633/10)

Arthur Lipscomb <arthur@alum.calberkeley.org> wrote:

On 9/2/2026 7:03 AM, The True Melissa wrote:

Ubiquitous wrote in article <UBI20260901@dont-email.me>:

Battlestar Galactica (4K Disc) 1978 theatrical version of the TV series pilot. In this pilot movie, aliens known as Cylons launch a sneak
attack during a peace conference wiping out the 12 colonies of humanity.
The last Battlestar, commanded by Commander Adama (Lorne Greene),
assembles what's left of humanity in search of a mythical planet called Dirt, I mean Earth. I know I've seen the pilot and first few episodes before, but I think this is the first time I've ever seen the theatrical edit of it. The main difference seems to be in the TV version Baltar is spared and sent to hunt humanity while in the theatrical edit he's
executed by the Cylons. I've been looking forward to watching this for
a while now. I guess it held up well enough.

I saw in the theater. It looked like ass, and the Sensurround, rumbled the entire time, no matter what was happening on screen.

I later read an article on why it looked like ass. The effects guy was complaining that they used the original camera negative to make the TV show
and a dupe neg to build the theatrical version. He said the stars were the
size of golf balls to hold up through the multiple generations.



--
The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it is still on my list.

--- PyGate Linux v1.5.19
* Origin: Dragon's Lair, PyGate NNTP<>Fido Gate (3:633/10)

On Sep 2, 2026 at 8:44:15 PM PDT, "Arthur Lipscomb" <arthur@alum.calberkeley.org> wrote:

Coyote vs. Acme (theatrical) New live action / animated hybrid movie.
This movie was infamously shelved by Warner Brothers until backlash from fans got them to sell the film to an independent studio for a theatrical release. The plot has Wile E. Coyote getting a lawyer (Will Forte) to
sue the Acme Corporation due to all the Acme products consistently
failing over the years he's been trying to catch the Road Runner. This
is a very simplistic overview of the plot. The actual movie is quite a
bit deeper than that IMO. It's billed as a comedy, but it has a ton of heart.

This sounds someone got hold of that federal tort claim suit that was written up by a law professor years ago (my torts professor passed it around in class back in the 90s) and turned it into a movie. Here it is in its entirety:

COYOTE v. ACME, INC.
IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT, SOUTHWESTERN DISTRICT,
TEMPE, ARIZONA
CASE NO. B19294

WILE E. COYOTE, Plaintiff
v.
ACME COMPANY, Defendant

Opening statement of attorney for Mr. Coyote:

My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income and mental suffering incurred
as a direct result of the actions and/or gross negligence of defendant company under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, ?2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability.

Mr. Coyote states that on 85 separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, certain products which did cause him bodily injury due to defects in manufacture or improper cautionary labeling. Sales slips made out to Mr. Coyote as proof of purchase are at present in the possession of the Court, marked Exhibit A. Such injuries sustained by Mr. Coyote have temporarily restricted his ability to make a living in his profession of predator. Mr. Coyote is self-employed and thus not eligible for Workman's Compensation.

Mr. Coyote states that on December 13th he received of Defendant via parcel post one Acme Rocket Sled. The intention of Mr. Coyote was to use the Rocket Sled to aid him in pursuit of his prey. Upon receipt of the Rocket Sled, Mr. Coyote removed it from its wooden shipping crate and, sighting his prey in the distance, activated the ignition. As Mr. Coyote gripped the handlebars, the Rocket Sled accelerated with such sudden and precipitate force as to stretch Mr. Coyote's forelimbs to a length of 50 feet. Subsequently, the rest of Mr. Coyote's body shot forward with a violent jolt, causing severe strain to his back and neck and placing him unexpectedly astride the Rocket Sled. Disappearing over the horizon at such speed as to leave a diminishing jet
trail along its path, the Rocket Sled soon brought Mr. Coyote abreast of his prey. At that moment, the animal he was pursuing veered sharply to the right. Mr. Coyote vigorously attempted to follow this maneuver but was unable to, due to poorly designed steering on the Rocket Sled and a faulty or nonexistent braking system. Shortly thereafter, the unchecked progress of the Rocket Sled brought it (and Mr. Coyote) into collision with the side of a mesa.

Paragraph One of the Report of Attending Physician (Exhibit B), prepared by
Dr. Ernest Grosscup, M.D., D.O., details the multiple fractures, contusions
and tissue damage suffered by Mr. Coyote as a result of this collision. Repair of the injuries required a full bandage around the head (excluding the ears),
a neck brace, and full or partial casts on all four limbs.

Hampered by these injuries, Mr. Coyote was nevertheless obliged to support himself. With this in mind, he purchased of Defendant, as an aid to mobility, one pair of Acme Rocket Skates. When he attempted to use this product,
however, he became involved in an accident remarkably similar to that which occurred with the Rocket Sled. Again, Defendant sold over the counter, without caveat, a product which attached powerful jet engines (in this case, two) to inadequate vehicles, with little or no provision for passenger safety. Encumbered by his heavy casts, Mr. Coyote lost control of the Rocket Skates soon after strapping them on, and collided with a roadside billboard so violently as to leave in it a hole in the shape of his full silhouette.

Mr. Coyote states that on occasions too numerous to list in this document he has suffered mishaps with explosives purchased of Defendant: the Acme "Little Giant" Firecracker, the Acme Self-Guided Aerial Bomb, etc. (For a full
listing, see the Acme Mail Order Explosives Catalogue and attached deposition, entered in evidence as Exhibit C.) Indeed, it is safe to say that not once has an explosive purchased of Defendant by Mr. Coyote performed in an expected manner. To cite just one example: At the expense of much time and personal effort, Mr. Coyote constructed around the outer rim of a butte a wooden trough beginning at the top of the butte and spiraling downward around it to some few feet above a black X painted on the desert floor. The trough was designed in such a way that a spherical explosive of the type sold by Defendant would roll easily and swiftly down to the point of detonation indicated by the X. Mr. Coyote placed a generous pile of birdseed directly on the X, and then,
carrying the spherical Acme Bomb (Catalogue #78-832), climbed to the top of
the butte. Mr. Coyote's prey, seeing the birdseed, approached, and Mr. Coyote proceeded to light the fuse. In an instant, the fuse burned down to the stem, causing the bomb to detonate in Mr. Coyote's hands.

In addition to reducing all of Mr. Coyote's careful preparations to naught,
the premature detonation of Defendant's product resulted in the following disfigurements to Mr. Coyote:

1. Severe singeing of the hair on the head, neck and muzzle.

2. Sooty discoloration.

3. Fracture of the left ear at the stem, causing the ear to dangle in
the aftershock with a creaking noise.

4. Full or partial combustion of whiskers, producing kinking,
frazzling and ashy disintegration.

5. Radical widening of the eyes, due to brow and lid charring.

We come now to the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes. The remains of a pair of these purchased by Mr. Coyote on June 23rd are Plaintiff's Exhibit D. Selected fragments have been shipped to the metallurgical laboratories of the
University of Texas at Austin for analysis, but to date no explanation has
been found for this product's sudden and extreme malfunction. As advertised by Defendant, this product is simplicity itself: two wood-and-metal sandals, each attached to milled-steel springs of high tensile strength and compressed in a tightly coiled position by a cocking device with a lanyard release. Mr. Coyote believed that this product would enable him to pounce upon his prey in the initial moments of the chase, when swift reflexes are at a premium.

To increase the shoes' thrusting power still further, Mr. Coyote affixed them by their bottoms to the side of a large boulder. Adjacent to the boulder was a path which Mr. Coyote's prey was known to frequent. Mr. Coyote put his hind paws in the wood-and-metal sandals and crouched in readiness, his right
forepaw holding firmly to the lanyard release. Within a short time, Mr. Coyote's prey did indeed appear on the path coming toward him. Unsuspecting, the prey stopped near Mr. Coyote, well within range of the springs at full extension. Mr. Coyote gauged the distance with care and proceeded to pull the lanyard release.

At this point, Defendant's product should have thrust Mr. Coyote forward and away from the boulder. Instead, for reasons yet unknown and in defiance of the laws of physics, the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes thrust the boulder away from
Mr. Coyote. As the intended prey looked on unharmed, Mr. Coyote hung suspended in air. Then the twin springs recoiled, bringing Mr. Coyote to a violent, paw-first collision with the boulder, the full weight of his head and forequarters falling upon his lower extremities.

The force of this impact then caused the springs to rebound, whereupon Mr. Coyote was thrust skyward. A second recoil and collision followed. The
boulder, meanwhile, which was roughly ovoid in shape, had begun to bounce down a hillside, the coiling and recoiling of the springs adding to its velocity. With each bounce, Mr. Coyote came into contact with the boulder, or the
boulder came into contact with Mr. Coyote, or both came into contact with the ground. As the grade was a long one, this process continued for some time.

The sequence of collisions resulted in systemic physical damage to Mr. Coyote, viz., flattening of the cranium, sideways displacement of the tongue,
reduction of length of legs and upper body, and compression of vertebrae from base of tail to head. Repetition of blows along a vertical axis produced a series of regular horizontal folds in Mr. Coyote's body tissues- a rare and painful condition which caused Mr. Coyote to expand upward and contract downward alternately as he walked, and to emit an off-key, accordion-like wheezing with every step. The distracting and embarrassing nature of this symptom has been a major impediment to Mr. Coyote's pursuit of a normal social life.

As the Court is no doubt aware, Defendant has a virtual monopoly on the manufacture and sale of goods required by Mr. Coyote's work. It is our contention that Defendant has used its market advantage to the detriment of
the consumer of such specialized products as itching powder, giant kites, Burmese tiger traps, anvils, and 200-foot-long rubber bands. Much as he has come to mistrust Defendant's products, Mr. Coyote has no other domestic source of supply to which to turn. One can only wonder what our trading partners in Western Europe and Japan would make of such a situation, where a giant company is allowed to victimize the consumer in the most reckless and wrongful manner over and over again.

Mr. Coyote respectfully requests that the Court regard these larger economic implications and assess punitive damages in the amount of $17 million. In addition, Mr. Coyote seeks actual damages (missed meals, medical expenses,
days lost from professional occupation) of $1 million; general damages (mental suffering, injury to reputation) of $20 million; and attorney's fees of $750,000. Total damages: $38,750,000. By awarding Mr. Coyote the full amount, this Court will censure Defendant, its directors, officers, shareholders, successors and assigns in the only language they understand, and reaffirm the right of the individual predator to equal protection under the law.



--- PyGate Linux v1.5.19
* Origin: Dragon's Lair, PyGate NNTP<>Fido Gate (3:633/10)

On Sep 2, 2026 at 1:30:41 AM PDT, "Ubiquitous" <weberm@polaris.net> wrote:

What did you watch?

BUDDY (theatrical)

I had no idea what this was about. I was just tagging along with a couple of friends. I knew it was a horror movie but that was it.

Buddy is the star of a kid's show, like Barney the Dinosaur. It soon becomes clear that things are not right in Kidland and bad things happen. It's bizarre and weird and a blood-soaked gore-fest. It also stars the cute Cristin Miloti from HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER. And Topher Grace.



--- PyGate Linux v1.5.19
* Origin: Dragon's Lair, PyGate NNTP<>Fido Gate (3:633/10)

Arthur Lipscomb wrote in article <117aqei$3c62v$1@dont-email.me>:

On 9/2/2026 7:03 AM, The True Melissa wrote:

Ubiquitous wrote in article <UBI20260901@dont-email.me>:

Strange New Worlds Is Doing A SOAP OPERA Episode And It Might Be Worse
Than The PUPPETS!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEsbfjIFlhU

It sounds like ST:SNW is following the path of Community. It did
a couple of concept episodes and got positive reactions, so when
they ran out of regular ideas, they just started throwing
concepts at the wall.

This is a multiday catch up. Over the last few days I watched:

Coyote vs. Acme (theatrical) New live action / animated hybrid movie.
This movie was infamously shelved by Warner Brothers until backlash from fans got them to sell the film to an independent studio for a theatrical release. The plot has Wile E. Coyote getting a lawyer (Will Forte) to
sue the Acme Corporation due to all the Acme products consistently
failing over the years he's been trying to catch the Road Runner. This
is a very simplistic overview of the plot. The actual movie is quite a
bit deeper than that IMO. It's billed as a comedy, but it has a ton of heart. In tone the movie is far closer to "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"
than the earlier Warner live action / animated movies like "Space Jam."
The movie is a bit of a love letter to fans of Looney Tunes.

Oh, this sounds fun. I'll see if I can access it. If it's a
recent release, probably not.

I'm still watching Scream Queens. It started out making no sense,
and it's only gotten crazier. At some point it will spin out and
become unwatchably silly, but right now it's still a fun ride.

I also watched another episode of The Patient, but I was
distracted and didn't follow all of it. That's a bummer. This
show rewards close attention, to put it mildly. I may have to
rewatch that episode.

--
The meek shall inherit, we're told,
But I'm not so easily sold.
For supposing they should,
It would do them no good --
They'd lose it at once to the bold.

--- PyGate Linux v1.5.19
* Origin: Dragon's Lair, PyGate NNTP<>Fido Gate (3:633/10)

anim8rfsk wrote in article
<1607443765.810102289.877861.anim8rfsk-
cox.net@news.easynews.com>:

I saw in the theater. It looked like ass, and the Sensurround, rumbled the entire time, no matter what was happening on screen.

I later read an article on why it looked like ass. The effects guy was complaining that they used the original camera negative to make the TV show and a dupe neg to build the theatrical version. He said the stars were the size of golf balls to hold up through the multiple generations.

Wait, what? They deliberately made a bad version which will look
decent in 50 years? That seems insane.

Why are they dorking around with negatives instead of using
digital cameras?

--
The meek shall inherit, we're told,
But I'm not so easily sold.
For supposing they should,
It would do them no good --
They'd lose it at once to the bold.

--- PyGate Linux v1.5.19
* Origin: Dragon's Lair, PyGate NNTP<>Fido Gate (3:633/10)

BTR1701 wrote:

On Sep 2, 2026 at 8:44:15 PM PDT, "Arthur Lipscomb" <arthur@alum.calberkeley.org> wrote:

Coyote vs. Acme (theatrical) New live action / animated hybrid

movie.

This movie was infamously shelved by Warner Brothers until backlash

from

fans got them to sell the film to an independent studio for a

theatrical

release. The plot has Wile E. Coyote getting a lawyer (Will Forte)

to

sue the Acme Corporation due to all the Acme products consistently
failing over the years he's been trying to catch the Road Runner.

This

is a very simplistic overview of the plot. The actual movie is

quite a

bit deeper than that IMO. It's billed as a comedy, but it has a ton

of

heart.

This sounds someone got hold of that federal tort claim suit that was

written

up by a law professor years ago (my torts professor passed it around

in class

back in the 90s) and turned it into a movie. Here it is in its

entirety:

COYOTE v. ACME, INC.
IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT, SOUTHWESTERN DISTRICT,
TEMPE, ARIZONA
CASE NO. B19294

WILE E. COYOTE, Plaintiff
v.
ACME COMPANY, Defendant

Opening statement of attorney for Mr. Coyote:

My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous

states,

does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company,

manufacturer and

retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware

and doing

business in every state, district and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks

compensation

for personal injuries, loss of business income and mental suffering

incurred

as a direct result of the actions and/or gross negligence of

defendant company

under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, ?2072,

subsection (a),

relating to product liability.

Mr. Coyote states that on 85 separate occasions he has purchased of

the Acme

Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, certain products which did cause him bodily injury due to

defects

in manufacture or improper cautionary labeling. Sales slips made out

to Mr.

Coyote as proof of purchase are at present in the possession of the

Court,

marked Exhibit A. Such injuries sustained by Mr. Coyote have

temporarily

restricted his ability to make a living in his profession of

predator. Mr.

Coyote is self-employed and thus not eligible for Workman's

Compensation.

Mr. Coyote states that on December 13th he received of Defendant via

parcel

post one Acme Rocket Sled. The intention of Mr. Coyote was to use the

Rocket

Sled to aid him in pursuit of his prey. Upon receipt of the Rocket

Sled, Mr.

Coyote removed it from its wooden shipping crate and, sighting his

prey in the

distance, activated the ignition. As Mr. Coyote gripped the

handlebars, the

Rocket Sled accelerated with such sudden and precipitate force as to

stretch

Mr. Coyote's forelimbs to a length of 50 feet. Subsequently, the rest

of Mr.

Coyote's body shot forward with a violent jolt, causing severe strain

to his

back and neck and placing him unexpectedly astride the Rocket Sled. Disappearing over the horizon at such speed as to leave a diminishing

jet

trail along its path, the Rocket Sled soon brought Mr. Coyote abreast

of his

prey. At that moment, the animal he was pursuing veered sharply to

the right.

Mr. Coyote vigorously attempted to follow this maneuver but was

unable to, due

to poorly designed steering on the Rocket Sled and a faulty or

nonexistent

braking system. Shortly thereafter, the unchecked progress of the

Rocket Sled

brought it (and Mr. Coyote) into collision with the side of a mesa.

Paragraph One of the Report of Attending Physician (Exhibit B),

prepared by

Dr. Ernest Grosscup, M.D., D.O., details the multiple fractures,

contusions

and tissue damage suffered by Mr. Coyote as a result of this

collision. Repair

of the injuries required a full bandage around the head (excluding

the ears),

a neck brace, and full or partial casts on all four limbs.

Hampered by these injuries, Mr. Coyote was nevertheless obliged to

support

himself. With this in mind, he purchased of Defendant, as an aid to

mobility,

one pair of Acme Rocket Skates. When he attempted to use this

product,

however, he became involved in an accident remarkably similar to that

which

occurred with the Rocket Sled. Again, Defendant sold over the

counter, without

caveat, a product which attached powerful jet engines (in this case,

two) to

inadequate vehicles, with little or no provision for passenger

safety.

Encumbered by his heavy casts, Mr. Coyote lost control of the Rocket

Skates

soon after strapping them on, and collided with a roadside billboard

so

violently as to leave in it a hole in the shape of his full

silhouette.

Mr. Coyote states that on occasions too numerous to list in this

document he

has suffered mishaps with explosives purchased of Defendant: the Acme

"Little

Giant" Firecracker, the Acme Self-Guided Aerial Bomb, etc. (For a

full

listing, see the Acme Mail Order Explosives Catalogue and attached

deposition,

entered in evidence as Exhibit C.) Indeed, it is safe to say that not

once has

an explosive purchased of Defendant by Mr. Coyote performed in an

expected

manner. To cite just one example: At the expense of much time and

personal

effort, Mr. Coyote constructed around the outer rim of a butte a

wooden trough

beginning at the top of the butte and spiraling downward around it to

some few

feet above a black X painted on the desert floor. The trough was

designed in

such a way that a spherical explosive of the type sold by Defendant

would roll

easily and swiftly down to the point of detonation indicated by the

X. Mr.

Coyote placed a generous pile of birdseed directly on the X, and

then,

carrying the spherical Acme Bomb (Catalogue #78-832), climbed to the

top of

the butte. Mr. Coyote's prey, seeing the birdseed, approached, and

Mr. Coyote

proceeded to light the fuse. In an instant, the fuse burned down to

the stem,

causing the bomb to detonate in Mr. Coyote's hands.

In addition to reducing all of Mr. Coyote's careful preparations to

naught,

the premature detonation of Defendant's product resulted in the

following

disfigurements to Mr. Coyote:

1. Severe singeing of the hair on the head, neck and muzzle.

2. Sooty discoloration.

3. Fracture of the left ear at the stem, causing the ear to dangle

in

the aftershock with a creaking noise.

4. Full or partial combustion of whiskers, producing kinking,
frazzling and ashy disintegration.

5. Radical widening of the eyes, due to brow and lid charring.

We come now to the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes. The remains of a pair

of these

purchased by Mr. Coyote on June 23rd are Plaintiff's Exhibit D.

Selected

fragments have been shipped to the metallurgical laboratories of the University of Texas at Austin for analysis, but to date no

explanation has

been found for this product's sudden and extreme malfunction. As

advertised by

Defendant, this product is simplicity itself: two wood-and-metal

sandals, each

attached to milled-steel springs of high tensile strength and

compressed in a

tightly coiled position by a cocking device with a lanyard release.

Mr. Coyote

believed that this product would enable him to pounce upon his prey

in the

initial moments of the chase, when swift reflexes are at a premium.

To increase the shoes' thrusting power still further, Mr. Coyote

affixed them

by their bottoms to the side of a large boulder. Adjacent to the

boulder was a

path which Mr. Coyote's prey was known to frequent. Mr. Coyote put

his hind

paws in the wood-and-metal sandals and crouched in readiness, his

right

forepaw holding firmly to the lanyard release. Within a short time,

Mr.

Coyote's prey did indeed appear on the path coming toward him.

Unsuspecting,

the prey stopped near Mr. Coyote, well within range of the springs at

full

extension. Mr. Coyote gauged the distance with care and proceeded to

pull the

lanyard release.

At this point, Defendant's product should have thrust Mr. Coyote

forward and

away from the boulder. Instead, for reasons yet unknown and in

defiance of the

laws of physics, the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes thrust the boulder

away from

Mr. Coyote. As the intended prey looked on unharmed, Mr. Coyote hung

suspended

in air. Then the twin springs recoiled, bringing Mr. Coyote to a

violent,

paw-first collision with the boulder, the full weight of his head and forequarters falling upon his lower extremities.

The force of this impact then caused the springs to rebound,

whereupon Mr.

Coyote was thrust skyward. A second recoil and collision followed.

The

boulder, meanwhile, which was roughly ovoid in shape, had begun to

bounce down

a hillside, the coiling and recoiling of the springs adding to its

velocity.

With each bounce, Mr. Coyote came into contact with the boulder, or

the

boulder came into contact with Mr. Coyote, or both came into contact

with the

ground. As the grade was a long one, this process continued for some

time.

The sequence of collisions resulted in systemic physical damage to

Mr. Coyote,

viz., flattening of the cranium, sideways displacement of the tongue, reduction of length of legs and upper body, and compression of

vertebrae from

base of tail to head. Repetition of blows along a vertical axis

produced a

series of regular horizontal folds in Mr. Coyote's body tissues- a

rare and

painful condition which caused Mr. Coyote to expand upward and

contract

downward alternately as he walked, and to emit an off-key, accordion-

like

wheezing with every step. The distracting and embarrassing nature of

this

symptom has been a major impediment to Mr. Coyote's pursuit of a

normal social

life.

As the Court is no doubt aware, Defendant has a virtual monopoly on

the

manufacture and sale of goods required by Mr. Coyote's work. It is

our

contention that Defendant has used its market advantage to the

detriment of

the consumer of such specialized products as itching powder, giant

kites,

Burmese tiger traps, anvils, and 200-foot-long rubber bands. Much as

he has

come to mistrust Defendant's products, Mr. Coyote has no other

domestic source

of supply to which to turn. One can only wonder what our trading

partners in

Western Europe and Japan would make of such a situation, where a

giant company

is allowed to victimize the consumer in the most reckless and

wrongful manner

over and over again.

Mr. Coyote respectfully requests that the Court regard these larger

economic

implications and assess punitive damages in the amount of $17

million. In

addition, Mr. Coyote seeks actual damages (missed meals, medical

expenses,

days lost from professional occupation) of $1 million; general

damages (mental

suffering, injury to reputation) of $20 million; and attorney's fees

of

$750,000. Total damages: $38,750,000. By awarding Mr. Coyote the full

amount,

this Court will censure Defendant, its directors, officers,

shareholders,

successors and assigns in the only language they understand, and

reaffirm the

right of the individual predator to equal protection under the law.

The author is Ian Frazier, but I have no information
about his background. He did a number of humorous
articles for magazines, including this one.

It's currently available in a book "Coyote v. Acme"
along with several of his other articles.

A humorous lawyer. Whodathunkit?

Nyssa, who has worked with ex-lawyers who switched
to programming, but this is the first lawyer she's
heard of who switched to writing humorous stuff



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