Cujo DeSockpuppet wrote:
Conley Brothers <Bruce@invalid.invalid> wrote in news:18b8fcdaed663a07$39533$118413$802601b3@news.usenetexpress.com:
Pete Tuttle wrote:
In article
<186d750f52e3e6fb$2736$2594290$60dd6a6a@news.thecubenet.com>,
rudy.can@jllkone.not says...
In article <75c04621cce3bcd81188c2250b227ee7@www.novabbs.com>,
will.dockery@gmail.com Will Dockery says...
HarryLime wrote:
A newsgroup that doesn't even exist
How clever, troll.
Alt.idiot.will.dockery?
I remember that.
It doesn't really exist, of course.
Of course it really exists, this is now cross posted to
rec.arts.poems, alt.arts.poetry.comments and
alt.idiot.will-dockery, clueless noob.
>
Yes, alt.idiot.will-dockery works fine here also.
alt.idiot.will-dockery is working here as well.
alt.idiot.will-dockery works fine on this server too.
alt.idiot.will-dockery works fine on this server too.
=================================================================
The official alt.idiot.will-dockery FAQ, v. 1.0
(c) 2004 APDD Enterprises, Inc. all rights reserved. Void where
prohibited by law. Reposting of this FAQ anywhere other than Usenet
requires permission bythe author.
You may contact the author at
somethin...@yahoo.com or by making a
public request in either alt.pizza.delivery.drivers or alt.idiot.will-
dockery, whichever is more accessible to your person.
This FAQ is written as accurately and as factual as possible; however,
when details cannot be confirmed it is so noted and links and/or details
are given to provide substantiation in as much of a way as possible for
the reader. Any comments, questions, or possible additions to
this FAQ may be submitted to the author at [redacted]@yahoo.com with
the subject line DOCKERY FAQ or posted in APDD where the author may read
them.
Should you have a problem with this FAQ or its posting please contact
the appropriate individuals by sending an e-mail to
somethin...@yahoo.com
with the subject line FAQ.
Responses to such e-mails are neither guarenteed or confirmed; sorry,
but that's how it is.
This FAQ will attempt to be more about alt.idiot.will-dockery the
newsgroup than Will Dockery the person; however, in certain cases, this
may prove difficult or impossible.
The FAQ will be reposted and updated as situations require. Do not pass
go, do not collect two hundred dollars, do not order from Pizza Roma in Columbus, Georgia.
1. What is alt.idiot.will-dockery?
1a. Why was this newsgroup created?
1b. How may I find this newsgroup?
2. Who is Will Dockery?
2a. What is a "pizza boy?"
3. Acronyms
4. What should I do if...?
5. Names
6. What is considered on-topic in alt.idiot.will-dockery?
7. Who contributes to alt.idiot.will-dockery?
8. Why should I give a shit about alt.idiot.will-dockery? ----------------------------------------------------------------------
1. What is alt.idiot.will-dockery?
A: It is a newsgroup on Usenet. The newsgroup was officially brought to
life by Usenet poster Peter J. Ross on February 18, 2004 at 22:01:09
GMT.
1a. Why was this newsgroup created?
A: It was created after Will Dockery, the newsgroup's namesake,
complained that he had to delete it from his newsgroup line in the
newsreader he was using as he posted because the newsgroup did not
exist. After he stopped laughing, Peter J. Ross happily volunteered to
provide Will a solution for this problem by creating the newsgroup for
him in Message-ID <
e05fb15476c89694...@news.teranews.com>.
The entire creation post by Peter Ross can be seen at
http://groups.google.com/groups?selm=c10oat.3vvimgj.1%40nntp.petitmorte.n
et& output=gplain
or
http://tinyurl.com/7yyyw.
1b. How may I find this newsgroup?
A: The newsgroup alt.idiot.will-dockery is sadly found on very few
servers. To receive alt.idiot.will-dockery please contact your news administrator and request that they add alt.idiot.will-dockery, or AIWD,
to their list of subscribed newsgroups.
2. Who is Will Dockery?
A: Will Dockery is also known as "Ironywaves," but to everybody else he
is known as "Dorkery", "Dickory Dock", "that stupid spammer from APDD",
etc. etc. Dockery is an employee of a pizza establishment known as Pizza
Roma in Columbus, Georgia in a small section of town called
"Shadowville." Will's behavior proves him to be anything but the typical employee of a pizza parlor, however. He enjoys writing poetry while both
on and off the job, reading it in front of audiences in downtown coffee
shops or local bars, and then basking in the audience's reaction,
regardless of how positive or negative it may be. However, most of
Will's writings have been known to be rather poor or uncomprehensible in quality and, as a result, when he posts his writings to Usenet the
reaction is almost always in a negative manner.
Will is also an admitted drug and alcohol abuser, so it can be assumed
that most of his writings originate while under the influence of one or
both. So far Will has admitted to abusing marijuana and alcohol but
remains rather quiet on any stronger drugs that he may or may not have ingested. When confronted with the fact that he is a possible alcoholic
and drug abuser, Will scoffed at the fact and stated that police
officers frequently use more marijuana than ordinary citizens such as
himself. These and other idiotic statements, along with his behavior on
and offline, have branded Will as a "pizza boy," and it doesn't look
like things are going to change anytime soon. Later, it was agreed upon
that since Will's moronic postings, stubborn behavior, and overall
insane actions proved him to be an idiot, that alt.idiot.will-dockery
needed to be created.
It should also be noted that the aforementioned drug and alcohol abuse
have reduced Will's reading comprehension skills down to the level of
what we can estimate to be between that of a four-year old and
eight-year old level, averaging somewhere around the six-year-old level.
If Will is an example of anything else, it's that abusing drugs and
alcohol is never a good thing and that a person can never start sobering
up too soon.
2a. What is a "pizza boy?"
A: A "pizza boy," or "pizza boy," or "pizzaboi," as it is sometimes
spelled, is much different than a pizza delivery driver. A pizza
delivery person works a job delivering pizzas. These are hard-working, respectful individuals who are in college or just trying to eek out a
living as much as they can. They are people who have lost their jobs
suddenly, or people who need income to help feed their children and
family of five, or just everyday people looking for something different.
Many of them are retirees working a job for supplemental pay in between
social security checks. Others are in it for the love of the job, though
they are few and far between.
A pizzaboy wants this as their only job until retirement and could care
less about what the customer receives, so long as he or she receives a
tip upon delivery, regardless of how they act on your doorstep. Because
of their antisocial nature, some have been known to place bodily
secretions onto the pizzas of customers they do not like, claim
minorities are cheap, homosexuals are evil (and call their enemies
"fags" or "gay", thinking it to be a great flame), and are probably are misoginst as well. A pizzaboy is usually stereotyped by the mainstream
media and general as lazy, unshaven, unbathed, hairy, rude, greedy,
stupid, ignorant, antisocial, and occassionally bigoted or sociopathic.
A good example of a stereotype used in the media of a "pizzaboy" can be
seen in the movie "Home Alone," where the pizzaboy drives onto the lawn,
knocks over and destroys a statue, walks up to the door, bangs on it
callously, then when he receives a low amount for a tip smirks and gets
the door slammed in his face. Many pizza boys consider people who do not
tip "stiffers" and a few of the more antisocial and stupider ones plot "revenge" or attempt to send a "message" to such customers by delivering
the pizza late or in poor condition. Should you ever receive a pizza not
in the condition you desired or it arrives late, it may be a good idea
to contact the establishment from which you ordered. A sad fact of life
is that there are "pizza boys" in every establishment ever created.
Will Dockery is classified as a "pizza boy" because of his antisocial
(and slightly bigoted) attitude, his attitude towards customers, his misoginistic behavior towards women, his delusional and egotistical
nature, and for the fact that he just sucks. You really have to see him
for yourself; luckily, anyone who comes across Will on Usenet doesn't
take to long to realize just how close he comes to the common stereotype
of a pizza boy.
3. Ackronyms
Sometimes you may come across a post in alt.idiot.will-dockery that has ackronyms in it. Here is a brief list of those which have graced the
newsgroup every so often:
APDD. This stands for alt.pizza.delivery.drivers, a newsgroup that Will
hangs around in and is generally mocked and despised in for his behavior
and moronic postings. APDD used to be a newsgroup full of people just
like Will several years ago; however, after a brief engagement by
outside parties into the newsgroup questioning the behavior of those
posters, many of them, if not all of them, made a mass exodus of the
newsgroup. Some of them later became members of an e-mail list that did essentially the same thing as APDD except of course in e-mail.
AIWD. Stands for alt.idiot.will-dockery, the title of this newsgroup.
PR. This stands for "Pizza Roma," the pizza delivery store where Will
currently works.
AUK. alt.usenet.kooks, another newsgroup on Usenet and one where Will's
posts frequently end up being posted to due to the fact that their
content warrants them being both on-topic in the group and an amusement
for all who read and lurk there.
PJR. Peter J. Ross, the guy who sent the control message for alt.idiot.will-dockery to be created.
RAP. rec.arts.poems, a newsgroup of, well, poems -- at least it used to
be, until the shit hit the fan and splattered into layers too thick to
be removed using general household cleaners. Will enjoys posting to RAP
because he considers himself a poet and an artist of the poetry circuit.
Most people disagree with him on that fact.
AAPC. alt.arts.poetry.comments, another poetry newsgroup where Will
hangs out to play. Frequently there are crossposts between alt.arts.poetry.comments and rec.arts.poems as both newsgroups have
similar purposes and content.
FOAD. Fuck off and die. Usually written at the end of a post, but
occassionally somewhere in the body, its meaning is obvious.
WTF? What the fuck? This question is usually asked in response to Will's postings, as due to his excessive drug and alcohol abuse it can be
difficult to determine what, if anything, he meant in the post in
question. His poor reading comprehension also causes this ackronym to be
used every so often when someone can't figure out how he could come to
such a mind-boggling, head-numbing conclusion.
WTH? Same as what the fuck, only with Hell/Heck instead of Fuck.
AHM. alt.hackers.malicious. A newsgroup of dubious quality, Will's
postings occasionally end up crossposted to here to give the regulars a
good laugh. A really good laugh.
WD. "Will Dockery." Used when the poster doesn't feel like writing out
'Will Dockery' or believes that those reading the thread have sufficient
enough knowledge to know who they are talking about.
Other acronyms will be added as necessary or time allows.
4. What should I do if...
...I read a poem written by Will Dockery?
A. Laugh. Smirk. Shake your head in disgust. These are just some of the reactions from people who read Will's postings. Ultimately, it is up to
you to decide what you think of what Will calls poetry. The thing you
must remember, however, is that if you find yourself enjoying it, you
will almost always find yourself in the minority.
... I see a crosspost to alt.idiot.will-dockery?
A. If you see a post crossposted to alt.idiot.will-dockery there is
usually a valid reason for this having occurred. Most of the time it is
because Will has said something stupid, or is about to say something
stupid, or might say something stupid, or things of that nature.
Generally, however, a crosspost to alt.idiot.will-dockery means exactly
what the name of the newsgroup implies and Will has said or done
something that proves he is an idiot.
... I read a post from Will Dockery?
A: Crosspost it! No, seriously, crosspost it. The newsgroup alt.idiot.will-dockery is not on very many newsservers; by increasing
the traffic to it you can help encourage news admins to pick it up. If
you don't feel like crossposting to here, then don't. It's as simple as
that. Will's posts are usually going to encourage some kind of
crossposting, to either alt.arts.poetry.comments, rec.arts.poems, or alt.pizza.delivery.drivers.
5. Names
You may encounter some names along your journey into
alt.idiot.will-dockery that you are not familiar with. Here, in brief explanation, are some of the ones that you might find:
Amber. Amber is a former employee of Pizza Roma where Will works. Months
ago, Will's manager found her having sex with a fellow employee in the
back room and blew a gasket. Will claims that Amber wasn't fired for
fucking in the back room but was fired for something else. According to
Will, Amber has either had sex with or plans to have sex with every male employee of Pizza Roma from the manager all the way to the owner. She is
the truest example of a whore you could possibly find in Will's area.
Will Dockery. Self-explanatory. Will works for Pizza Roma and loves to
mystify Usenet with the various tales from the store, some of which
would cause any self-respecting health inspector to vomit. Will has
hounddog loyalty to his manager Pasko and would do anything to please
him -- and we do mean anything.
Pasko. Pasko is the retarded criminal who runs Pizza Roma. We say
retarded because that's about the only way to rationally explain away
his poor decisions and we say criminal because Will has admitted that
Pasko is a criminal. According to Will, Pasko buys bootleg copies of
movies off the street from strangers and has guns in his office that he
gives to his employees to take on runs to "dangerous areas." While both
of these are felonies, Will claims that Pasko is NOT a convicted felon
and that the crime he was in prison for was only a misdemeanor or
something similar. But don't prod Will for details or he'll call you a "stalker."
Trey. A fellow employee of Pizza Roma where Will works. Supposedly
threatened suicide in the parking lot with a shotgun he kept in the
trunk of his car before Will and other employees talked him out of it.
Matt. Another employee of Pizza Roma.
Ben. The owner of Pizza Roma, allegedly clueless to everything going on
inside the store.
Rusty. Russell "Bert" Waters, AKA Russell B. Waters, AKA Rusty, is
another pizza boy who inhabits rec.arts.poems and
alt.pizza.delivery.drivers and who is on a slightly lower level than
Will when it comes to doing and saying unbelievable shit that makes you
wonder if they aren't some really bad version of the Matrix. Rusty is an overweight, homosexual, white supremacist who lives with his parents and
works in a bank. We wish we were making that shit up.
Other names may or may not be added, depending on their necessity to
this FAQ.
6. What is considered on-topic in alt.idiot.will-dockery?
A: Anything and everything except the delivery of pizza. Unless it
involves a delivery made by Will where he did something really stupid -- something that happens quite often.
7. Who contributes to alt.idiot.will-dockery?
A: Anyone and everyone, my man. Anyone and everyone. Seriously, everyone
is welcome here except spammers. While they will eventually come here,
that does not mean they will be welcomed.
8. Why should I give a shit about alt.idiot.will-dockery?
A: We really encourage you to browse alt.idiot.will-dockery and its
subsequent sister group alt.pizza.delivery.drivers because Will is a
constant source of amusement for all. Laughter has been known to have psychologically and biological effects on the human body that are all
positive in nature. And after all, shouldn't you be living a healthier,
more fulfilling life than a pizza boy?
============================================================================
Is there a FAQ or charter for alt.deadbeat-daddy.little-willie-douchebag
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