Subject: Re: NTB: Classic NTB Adventures #378: Wrath of The Administrator Part Twenty

Original message: https://lists.eyrie.org/mailman3/hyperkitty/list/racc@lists.eyrie.org/messa ge/QAOOK3NCTT6G7ZY4LGVVLRNUK63WIL4E/

On Sun, Jun 29, 2025 at 4:52?PM Arthur Spitzer <arspitzer2@gmail.co

wrote:

<snip>

Is it time for some Very Serious People with Very Thin
Watches?!! And is it time for The Ultimate Ninja to do
that whole office lifestyle?!!!!

Ohohoho~

"Stuck Together with God's Paperclip"

The origin of Puts-Paperclips-on-the-Ultimate-Nina's-Desk Lad!?

Five seconds later, I was walking down a corridor wondering where the Iri

shman

was. It's not really a sixth sense, more like an extension of one of the

others.

You could say that I smell them, but you couldn't say it for very long.

I-- wha?

First Up: A reason, and a standing. A boss is out of the question, and he

'll

never believe a fellow worker would get lost, so I decided to impersonate

a

random hireling.
Next: Clothes. Jeans and an Achtung Baby T-Shirt ought to do, and shouldn

't be

that hard to make.

Hmhm, I see

"Sign here. And how do I get out?"
"You don't. Where are you ... Oh yeah, you're one of those Trenchcoat peo

ple

aren't you? I'm supposed to lock you up."

Dangit. X3

This, just beneath my finger, is the button that will summon
some Serious People with Very Thin Watches."
"Oh no! Not the Serious People with Very Thin Watches!"
"Stop pissing about."
"Sorry. Well, what do you want in return for not hitting that button?"
"Out. I want you to get me out of here, and keep me out of here. Can you

do

that?"
"Sure." (Oh no.)

Hell yeah

"Piss off. Any way, my parents decided that a job as a secretary was the
only respectable profession for me, and when I finished High school, paid
for a four year course in Secretarism."
"How do you find a four year course in Secretarisctics?"
"Look in California. I graduated top of my class, got incredibly drunk
the day my results came out, and woke up here the next day. Two men came around shortly after I woke up and showed me some paperwork with my name

on

it to the effect that I had agreed to work here for a million years witho

ut

pay. I haven't had a drink since."

Damn, fucked up D:

"What about on your way home?"
"You remember that room you found me in?"
"Yeah."
"See that hammock in the corner?"
"Oh, Jesus."
"Yeah.

Yeah that's what I thought x.x

A Bureaucrat stepped into the corridor in front of us, holding a loop of
red tape. With a practiced movement, he took hold of the end of the tape,
and threw the spool to the left of us. A flick of the wrist, and the spoo

l

curved around where I was a second before. I ran straight for the door, n

ot

looking back to where Mary was.

DANG. D:

In the real world, as opposed to the strange place that the NTB w

as

trapped in, the effect would, if the observer possessed the right equipme

nt,

be absorbing and fascinating to watch. The office, free now of any constr

aints,

risen at last to it`s full power, spread it`s web of influence throughout

the

networks of the world, and slowly began to mould the globe...

Oh shit D:

Malcolm Barnstable is a bureaucrat; he has always been a
bureaucrat; he will always be a bureaucrat. He delights in paperwork, in ordering his office and his department, in making things run smoothly; efficiency is the key to life`s troubles, he has often mused. He has neve

r

noticed that what he takes for efficiency is merely the efficient orderin

g of

pieces of paper and office furniture, never the actualities of the real w

orld.

In reality, Malcolm is more of an obstructor than an organiser, but he wo

uld

never understand this; a paper world is, to him, so much more beautiful t

han a

world of solid matter.

I mean. There *is* a level on which I totally get this.

He ignores the people that pass him by,
sparing only a disgusted glance at a tramp who rises, blinking in the sun

, from

a bench; such a creature, so void of order, would have no place in Malcol

m`s

perfect world.

But wow, no D:

Malcolm walks from Broadgate to the gothic council offices and
looks at them with distaste; too much elaborate stone, too many spires, n

ot

enough concrete and straight lines, too many gargoyles and statuettes.

Also fuck u Brutalist >:/ >:/ >:/

At last he reaches the final item, a largish parcel which has been
delivered by a firm called "UNIVERSAL OFFICE SUPPLIES". Strange, thinks Malcolm, I haven`t heard of them. He opens the parcel, and within are all

his

dreams; an ethereal authoritative voice speaks to him of cold order and organised lives, and reveals he is to be one of the Seven Directors on th

e

Board of Humanity... Malcolm cries with joy as the office makes him it`s

own.

Oh that's *wonderfully* disturbing. And kinky.

For most other people, it was the worst of times. Governments sta

rted

insiduously voting themselves new powers of control over people`s lives.

One

of the first things to happen was the sudden introduction of compulsory I

D

cards in Britain, to be carried at all times with a thousand pound fine i

f

caught without one. Student demos were instigated and used by a multitude

of

right-wingers as an excuse for clamping down on students and other raffis

h

undesirables. Sales of the Daily Mail began to soar.

hahahahhaaaaaaaa

There was a song that

grew in popularity in subways and underground stations, haunting the air

and

chiming the changes that the world was headed for. An unemployed singer
now sings it in the Tottenham Court Road station, below a part of London where once were a multitude of comic shops, now closed down due to lack o

f

interest in fantasy:

Wait, how fast is this happening again X>

The Ultimate Ninja, scourge of evil and leader of the Legion of Net.Heroes, seemed to be having a particularly bad day, as far as the res

t of

the LNH could observe. He`d cleared out a storeroom and turned it into, o

f all

things, an office. This was when various LNHers started to worry.

X3

"Who does he think he is? Maxwell Lord?" exclaimed Cheesecake-Eat

er

Lad.

Heeheehee

It was, indeed, an office. The Ninja had made himself an office.
There were filing cabinets, an obsessively neat desk, shurikens and katan

as

hung on the wall like ornaments rather than the bloodstained weapons of m

ass

destruction Occultism Kid knew them to be, and a nifty terminal running a spreadsheet package on the desk.

You know, the interesting thing is, he's going to continue having an
office from here. X>

"Nothing`s come over me! Why, I`m just trying to introduce a litt

le

more management structure into this organisation. Which reminds me, I rea

lly

ought to appoint some sub-leaders and work out some office space for them

as

well..."

...okay well I *did* do that but...

"He`s gone mad."
"Well, let`s be honest, he wasn`t exactly on the straight and nar

row

before," replied Pliable Lad

heeheeheehee
.

"Turned into a bureaucrat? What`s wrong with that?" asked Lurking

Girl.

"What`s WRONG? God, we`ll be up to our capes in paperwork before

we

know it! That`s what`s wrong!"
"Well, I don`t get it. I mean, I`ve just been made a deputy execu

tive

sub-leader. With my own office. What`s so terribly wrong with that?" repl

ied

Lurking Girl. Pliable Lad continued.
"Yeah, we get all sorts of perks. Bonuses..."
"Pension schemes..."
"Yearly holiday allowances..."
"Tax breaks..."
Occultism Kid fled. They`d all gone mad.

DUN DUN DUNNNNN...

The swirls of red tape spread around the world. Freedom began to

be a

thing of the past, and no one cared and no one mourned. It was just progr

ess.

This is such a Gen X thing to say.

Drew "frickin' mass media mergers" Nilium

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