Subject: Re: NTB: Classic NTB Adventures #376: Wrath of The Administrator Part Eighteen

Original message: https://lists.eyrie.org/mailman3/hyperkitty/list/racc@lists.eyrie.org/messa ge/SLUU7MWKDZKCQANSFOLCWB4ILCAA3KAO/

On Sun, Jun 15, 2025 at 4:44?PM Arthur Spitzer <arspitzer2@gmail.co

wrote:

<snip>

After the balloon went up in the bar, I found myself alone for on

ce,

standing in the middle of a lobby with a splitting bloody headache. Whate

ver

that explosion was, it had driven me instantly sober and brought on the hangover that by rights I shouldn`t have had until tomorrow.

Oof, that'll do it

I still had

plenty of paracetomol, so swallowed some as best I could, almost throwing

up

at the taste, but getting the buggers down all the same.

That's Tylenol, for those who aren't up on their biochemistry.

And also, there are normally, especially
in places where the public might wander around, some sort of indication o

f

who runs the offices. A logo, some big bright bit of corporate bullshit.

Here

there was nothing.

Oh, that's a good point, that's unsettling

Another thing was wrong; they should all be looking at me with some
sort of curiosity. A trenchcoat is not something to be trifled with, or ignored.

I mean, I think for a lot of people it's just something to keep the rain of
f. X>

"How may I help you?" It didn`t sound like a voice anyone would e

ver

use in conversation. It sounded like the voice on the telephone. You`ve h

eard

it. The voice that you reach after being put on hold for half for an hour

,

after working your way through five extensions, the voice that supposedly

is

the one you`re trying to reach and talk about whatever it was that you`d phoned up about, the voice that would listen to your plea, take your name

, and

put you on hold again, just for the sheer hell of it, the voice that woul

d,

when your phone bill had risen by another ridulous amount, tell you that

it

wasn`t their responsiblity, and that they would now put you through to an

other

department, one that you`d already made your way through to get here, tha

t was

absolutely, definitely, the one you were after. That voice

...as someone who's worked a *lot* in customer service, dude, chill
the fuck out a bit. Like, I understand the Kafka connection here and
how much it sucks to be in this position and that's what this story is
about, but like, god, you realize that the person in front of you is
flat and dead-eyed because they have to be in the middle of this all
day, making excuses for decisions they had nothing to do with and just
trying to get to the point where they can clock out, right???

*ahem*

"Through the door on your left." She said this slowly, as if I we

re

some kind of idiot or child. I was getting annoyed. I punched her.

Like this is pretty gross >:/

I went off to the door on the left, went through, and was faced w

ith a

corridor that disappeared into eternity. It didn`t end, at least not as f

ar

as I could see. I looked at the door nearest to me. "room 1" was stencill

ed on

it in a bold and nauseating typeface. I tried it, and found it locked. So

were

the next ten doors. I stopped bothering to try the doors, lit a cigarette
and started walking.
Some time, and a great number of fags later, I reached room 24367

.

Hehehehe

"Where am I?!?!?" I shouted to the darkness.
"In the Office," droned a sepulchral voice. For some reason, it s

eemed

familiar. Still no lights.
"What do you want?"
"Information." Ah. Now I knew what the voice reminded me of. It w

as a

good impression. I continued the pattern. Might as well humour the bastar

d.

Hmmmmm, is this a reference I don't get :o

"I am the new CEO." Ah, more interesting.
"Who was the old CEO?"
"You are an office junior."
"Bugger this. Turn the lights on, before I get really pissed off!

"

Laughter, from everywhere. Contemptuous, evil laughter. I`ve hear

d

that kind of laugh before. Never in pleasant situations. And then the lig

hts

went on.
And I was back in the lobby. The bastard was just toying with me.

Huhhhhh interesting.

BACCHUS:

He came to in a corridor, that led from an office. He stood, shoo

k his

head to clear it of some disorientation, and looked about to find out whe

re he

was this time. He looked old, wrinkles engraved onto his face, looking li

ke

he`d either been carved or eroded to look the way he did. But still and a

ll,

he didn`t look like he was carrying any worries or woes, even though he h

ad a

complicated road map etched into his face.

Oooooh yeah, this guy

His clothes were plain, and looked like
the kind of clothes that a man, or god, would wear if he didn`t really ca

re

much about clothes, and just wanted something to cover up the essentials

and

keep the wind from being too much of a nuisance.

Ahhhhh, the dysphoria outfit

Too much business. The business didn`t seem to be acheiving anything, but

there

was too much of it anyway.

Whew, super accurate.

Far too many earnest yet somehow irritated people.
This wasn`t a place that you could simply exist in and be yourself.

Dang, yeah

An
argument broke out about a car alarm; it was like watching small furry an

imals

trying to establish who held dominance in the tribe. It was all shudderin

gly

banal, and Bacchus, the god of wine, son of Zeus, had good reason to wish

he

were somewhere else.

Uggggggh yeah the bad shit @@;

Lacking anything better to do, he found a small office
with no one in it, sat in the chair, put his legs up on the desk, and had

a

snooze.

Hell yeah. That's the spirit.

And suddenly, there were vines, sprouting from the carpet, the wa

lls,

the plastic plants, the filing cabinets, from paperwork left lying on des

ks,

from briefcases, from everywhere. The guards fled, and Bacchus relaxed in

a

paradise of his own making. The wine-making would soon begin in earnest..

.

yesssssssss :D :D :D

SPECIAL AGENT DALE COOPER:

aw jeez. X>;

Catchy elevator music blared quietly out of a speaker that hung o

n the

pastellised wall, ignored by all who ever heard it. Cooper noticed. He lo

oked

up at it, and frowned at it. It was rather annoying, like the sound of a

crow

in amidst a flock of songbirds, disturbing because it was apparently norm

al, in

this place that was far from normal, normal beyond any expectation of strangeness.

Ooooooh, well described.

It stretched back for miles, before the perspective lines
met in the centre, a phenomenon which Cooper remembered from art lessons

in his

childhood, but had never expected to see in real life.

Daaaaaaaamn nice :D

"Ma`am. I`m an agent of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. If y

our

superiors don`t wish to see me, then they could be subject to a further,

more

serious visit by agents who are less friendly than me. Now, take me to se

e

whoever`s in charge."
There was a beep on the monitor in front of the woman. "Well!" sh

e

exclaimed. "I never would have imagined. Come this way, please."

Innnnnnteresting. The Office doesn't usually go up against those who
have some kind of authority backing them up.

The course she led him down was long and twisting; there were
miles upon miles of corridor, it seemed, and the changes that he noted as

they

passed through different areas seemed to encompass a history of the offic

e;

here, they would be passing through an ultra-modern office complex, with monitors that would make a computer enthusiast drool merely to see them,

with

organisation so well-planned it was almost invisible, and then they would

be in

a dark, candle-lit, wood-panelled office, full of scratching scribes at h

igh

desks, painfully transcribing complicated documents purely by hand, disda

ining

the use of such innovations as typewriters and telephones. It went on for

ever.

ooooooooh, nice nice nice

"Diane, I`m standing in an office which I`ve been led to in an ef

fort

to trap me. It`s been a strange journey to get here- wait, I`ll explain later..." A light on the monitor was bleeping. Cooper went to it and pres

sed a

button on the keyboard, activating the monitor. A line of text appeared o

n the

screen.
WELCOME, AGENT COOPER. I MEAN YOU NO HARM.
Cooper stared at it blankly.
YOU ARE IN THE UNIVERSAL OFFICE. I AM THE UNIVERSAL OFFICE.

DUN DUN DUNNNNN...

I AM AFRAID THAT IS NOT WITHIN MY POWER AT THIS TIME. I MUST SAY

THAT

I HAD NOT EXPECTED ANY INTERFERENCE FROM MORE MUNDANE ORGANISATIONS. YOU

WILL

LEAVE NOW. THE DOOR WILL OPEN TO THE CAMPUS OF BEIJING UNIVERSITY, WHICH

I

BELIEVE YOU WILL HAVE DIFFICULTY IN EXPLAINING TO THE LOCAL AUTHORITIES.
GOODBYE.
Cooper boggled. "What?" The door swung open. The sound of the Chi

nese

language could be heard outside. Cooper pulled out his gun, and shot the terminal. The bullet ricocheted off, bounced around the room and embedded itself in Cooper`s left arm. "Ai!" Cooper grimaced and left. There didn`t

seem

to be much else to do.

A reasonable way to deal with him. X>

Drew "there's a lot going on here, for sure!" Nilium

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